Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Exercise Note 6

Today I was jogging. One of a series of exercises that are separated by long periods of physical stagnation (weeks between exercises, unlike 2 or so years ago when I used to exercise daily), as well as what I can almost call a curious personal transformation where my feelings are a blend of concentration, hope, sacrifice, and a bit of sadness that I haven't seen great results out of my hard work.

I jogged. I few minutes after, I felt this is going to be another dull exercise where I don't work out much. I kept going just to see how it goes, knowing the basic fact that it sometimes does get better and I should just keep going despite feeling heavy. At least a little more pushing will help me reap better health benefits out of the exercise.

I kept going and after a while it started to feel great. I felt that my breathing became more routine, easier, and automatic and the feeling that I well stop out of tiredness or lack of energy, well, that is what stopped actually and I kept going. I felt power in my lungs and my body felt like a machine, as I think it should (a flash of thought of my eating habits the last few days might be a factor in this, not going to detail this here). My brain was sparking with thoughts and dedication. This was a great exercise today. A successful exercise that lasted an hour. That's including some time walking and stretching at the end. I think I ran for half an hour at the start of the exercise; I didn't carry my phone or headphones with me as I most often do when I go exercise outside.

I don't go to the gym by the way, I jog outside and I do pass a nearby gym every time I go exercise. I think the lovely air outside and the dynamic scenery beats the dull feeling of equipment, air conditioning, and the static view of the gym by miles.

Now I'm back home to write this and I think, maybe the only thing that I need to do is just continue working on my projects and the great feelings of success will come. A few more feature sprints to develop my product further, then the sprints might accelerate or prospective customers will start noticing the advantages of my product, and/or I'll finally learn how to show the value of my products to the market more effectively.

This is my plan. Keep going for as long as I can and see what will happen. I hope it will be like my jog today: eventually great things will happen and I'll have a rational basis for feeling great. My great feelings will be a nice thought.

I realize it's been a couple of years since I last blogged here! I'm surprised it's been that long! I think I have written things during this time, but haven't posted it for some reason, including not feeling open at all, or not taking the time to do an actual structured write up.

The last "exercise note" I wrote was actually more than THREE years ago! There must be some exercise note 6 that I haven't posted... I might update this if I find it.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Sea Waves Society

Society is like the sea with its waves. I live in a relatively quiet area, and a few days ago, I was in the bustling city taking a wake, looking at the people, the busy places, the cars, the traffic lights, the police cars that are crossing the red traffic lights, and all those pedestrians crossing the pedestrian lines, including those who rush across the pedestrian line with the red pedestrian signal racing cars coming from the other side.

There is much going on. There is always things going on. There are small things, and there are big thing. Important and unimportant. And everything is relative.

Now today, I'm watching the sea in Abu Dhabi Marina area. The view of the presidential palace and Emirates Palace hotel, with dark sparkling silver and black color of the ocean, makes a stunning one, depending on your pshychological stance at the moment you are watching of course.

I was enjoying the cool air as well as the view when I started to notice the different shapes of the waves, how all this erratic randomness must be governed by very deterministic physical rules. But aside from mathematical and engineering thoughts of fourier transforms and submarines, I started to notice how the waves differ in size and shape and how they interact with each other. There are many small waves, but also big waves, and big waves carrying with them smaller waves. There are currents of all directions and splashes, and sea and air.

It's like the busy city vibrating with waves.

Wednesday, March 9, 2016


Me life has been revolving around an ever evolving reporting system. And office politics to defend the only and most vital resource I have: time.

There is much more than can be done. There is beauty in this world, but all we do is sort data elements on a sheet of paper and stamp it. I am the one who casts this monochromatic process into the digital world, I am a software/web/application developer/engineer/programmer, and they call me IT guy and ask me for reporting applications.

Automating things is an essential part of my ideology. I tell machines how to do things, and I don't want to do things I know how to tell machines how to do. In other words, I don't want to perform tasks that can be defined algorithmic and delegated to a computer.

Because when I do this, I free my time, the only resource I have, to do other things that make me less of a cost center, and more of a creative center, a business engine, an innovator...

Thursday, November 5, 2015


Written on my phone while walking back home from the nearby Starbucks in Jahli park in Al Ain. It's my favorite Starbucks.

Walking around Al Ain

I am reflecting on my impression of the UAE, my career and life, what I read in the Abu Dhabi vision 2021, the posts of Shiekh Mohammed Bin Rashid, ruler of Dubai, on LinkedIn and Facebook, the great achievements of the UAE in the various sectors.

I live in the UAE and I feel freedom, efficiency and empowerment. I am proud to be a witness of the greatness that is being achieved here and inspired and motivated to participate actively and profoundly in the progress prosperity and be a contributing citizen who adds value of various kinds.

The UAE is much more than just about money and oil. These words have evolved to mean prosperity and energy. Our investment in energy is not just in oil. Oil is just a black substance, one way to even rate energy and the UAE is deeply invested in other ways of generating energy: renewable and nuclear energy. Our prosperity is not just financial but is cultural, political, governmental, educational and many other aspects in addition to financial.

The businessmen and women here are brilliant humans and ambitious problem solvers not just money makers.

If you drive off-road with your old clunky car, within minutes You might find a millionaire Arab digging under your car trying to get you out. You can't find this kind of humility and empathy anywhere else in the world.

The success of the UAE is an opportunity for the whole world as its global influence becomes increasingly stronger. The influence is financial but more than that: it's cultural in that we show and inspire with Arabic and Islamic values are about equality, humility, kindness, prosperity and doing good, it's scientific and progressive in our search for sustainability and renewable energy, and it's about peace by bringing people from all around the world in globalized cities such as Dubai and Abu Dhabi and the whole of the UAE under one roof with the objectives of being productive and contributing to the creation of a great country with a great mission.

For me this is a challenge to become a global citizen with a global influence using a powerful success platform: the UAE!

Thursday, October 15, 2015

What an experience... Like thunder

It's been a year and it was like THUNDER. Powerful, beautiful, terrifying, destructive, passionate, confusing, glowing, and with so much potential...

I obviously didn't know how to deal with it but I was patient. I gave myself room to make mistakes and watched the mistakes made by the thunder and contemplated it as well.

I invented theories: of currencies of values and energy, of cold reasoning and hearts beating, of justifying what I don't know and what I don't like, and of love or just questions about what in the world it is.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Dizzying Thirst

First of all, it is important to understand that thirst, especially in the hot and humid Abu Dhabi weather, can be dangerous. Remain well hydrated as it is healthy and keeps your body functioning correctly. In this post, I am reflecting on an experience of feelings and thoughts while I seek the quenching of my thirst after waking in the middle of my sleep very thirsty. I similarly blog on what I feel and think when I have a good jog, for example: Exercise Note 5.

I finally decide to park to express what I am experiencing.

Thirst is some kind of focus on a nagging need. Thirst for water is just one kind, and is similar in many ways to other desires and ambitions we might have. I have a strong desire for a richer life filled with passion, innovation, wisdom and exploration, and so I can say I have a thirst for such a better life. Thirst is a physical feeling indeed, but it is interesting to regard it in a deeper way. Thirst comes with clarity and an internal desire/goal to quench it, lessen it, and remove it by eagerly drinking a deliciously cool liquid. But I keep myself from satisfying the thirst and take advantage of this thirsty mental state and let the thoughts flow.

I think of cool sparkling water and some lemon, and even indulging in some kind of sugar-filled drink that would satisfy my thirst but also pleasure me by stimulating my brain. I’m more health aware now, and I avoid much sugar, so having it is an interesting delicious pleasure.

The focus is on quenching the thirst, but I am enjoying the clarity of having the clear goal of quenching it. I am very thirsty, but since I slept very well, I am comfortable and my thoughts are clear, at least I think they are. At least I am able to reflect and think about my current state of being, and I am trying to make the most of it. I realize that my thirsts are many, so I cannot just ignore this opportunity of reflecting on my physical thirst, and just simply quench it, without reflecting on it. I understand that one’s physical state affects their mental state, so I am postponing changing my physical state by drinking water, until I explore my current mental state.

Before responding to what I am feeling, I think about it. I understand it by describing it to myself, visualizing it, imagining it, and thinking about its constituents and they why behind it. Sometimes I go to the extent of thinking about a potential evolutionary directive behind it. This heightened awareness enables me to avoid being reactive and know myself better, before I just succumb to some instinctual primitive desire or impulse to act on the feeling such as quenching my thirst or addressing whichever discomfort I'm feeling. Of course, if I don’t understand it, I don’t let it control what I do. Thirst is pretty basic, and I do understand it, but still I was looking for more, so I searched for a place I’d feel comfortable to write and clarify my thoughts to myself primarily, and to share it here.

I left my home because I didn't have any water and the thirst was kind of dizzying. Maybe I was a little light headed from sleeping too much but I was still able to think clearly. I drove away from home to get some water, and minutes later I started to realize that there is more to what I am currently experiencing than just a desire to drink some water and go back home. There is something about sitting in the driver’s seat and driving off; and sometimes I love to combine the rush of jogging with driving, but that’s the topic of an exercise note. I drove farther than I needed. I kept driving because I wanted to reflect more on what I am experiencing. This is a mental expedition.

Thoughts started to emerge in my head, including the reflective thought of parking to write down my thoughts and the thought that dizzying thirst does not necessarily mean lack of clarity and confusion, but quite the contrary: it is unrelenting focus on a particular goal. I was in my favorite area of Muroor, Abu Dhabi, driving from Khalifa City on Salam Road. There is so much to write as to why I like that area. I can take a left and go to my favorite Starbucks Muroor in the Technip building and enjoy some cool drink there, but this pattern is something that I have done over and over that it is barely stimulating anymore. Also the thought of the possibility of finding many people there, after I park my car and get a Mawaqif ticket, made that thought of going to Starbucks less appealing. A fleeting thought of just parking on the side of the road to write before ideas start to evaporate, fleeted.

There is something about Abu Dhabi that inspires me in various ways: intellectually as it makes me want to read, learn, experience, explore, talk to people to find out what’s behind their faces and bodies, be inspired by the leaders and successful people here, and physically as it makes me want to exercise, eat healthy, be healthy, take care of myself, and hedonistically by indulging in luxury and pleasure. Will I now enjoy some delicious mocktail?

I deviated in my last paragraph, just like I do in real life. Having many desires is something that could be distracting for someone like me. I was thinking about my lack of desire to go to Starbucks while I was still at the traffic light at the intersection that goes left from Salam road to Muroor area, so I just decided to go to Anantara to which I have been only once or twice (there were no cars at the intersection so I was able to do some ninja driving to go to the right lane). I am not familiar with this place particularly, yet I am very comfortable in the lobby of a 5 star hotel. Hotels here make me feel like home as I enjoy frequently staying at random 5 star hotels. Abu Dhabi has amazing hospitality experiences indeed.

I gave my car to the valet, and feeling automatically welcome, I just enter the lobby, quickly find a sofa and a nearby socket into which I plug my thirsty laptop. I turn it on, and as quickly as possible I login using a guest account without a password, and write this on notepad as I want to get started as soon as possible that I don't even want to wait for the couple of seconds that Microsoft Word takes to load.

As I write, I occasionally glance up at the people and the amazing lobby. That woman in the patterned yellow dress certainly looks comfortable. I should not just transition to a state similar to hers without understanding myself. I am not here to satisfy my basic needs, and this is why I have to stay hungry or thirsty until I get myself together. I get myself together by reflecting deeply, even when I'm at a deep loss, in a turbulent state, or very thirsty or hungry or otherwise very uncomfortably physically or emotionally. I aim to exceed my physical innate self.

I never stayed in Anatara as a guest! This place reminds me of being totally broke, dancing classes and emotions. Certainly the lobby and this writing experience makes me want to stay here for at least a night.

I am writing with satisfaction even with the thirst. I am here thirsty and happy with mental clarity, strength, and accomplishment that makes me feel that quenching my thirst will be a rewarding experience that I surely deserve. I feel accomplished because of this writing, as it helped me transform the physical thirst to life wisdom. That makes me feel powerful. Writing is a powerful act. I am doing this to ensure that my thoughtful, ambitious, high-level goals of modern self comes before that of the basic self: survival, and quenching hunger and thirst. I am not a physical being, and since I'm not literally dying, quenching thirst and satisfying hunger come after the thoughts and ambitions of the modern successful man I am... aiming to be.

This magnificent lobby is inspiring, and the perfectly sufficient dim lighting is so comfortable. The high ceiling of the lobby with the modernized traditional oriental architectural elements, is marvelous indeed. It is a very comfortable place to be in to express thoughts comfortably. There are dates and coffee in the middle and a host in a Kandora making sure it's organized and being hospitable. I avoided eye-contact with him because I don't want him to interrupt my thoughts. Although I am sure he will be very welcoming and just offer me some coffee and dates. I think he understands that I am looking for some time alone.

[take picture of lobby from POV and put it here (I’ll do that the next time I’m in Anantara)].

I went upstairs, and like almost every time I go to a similar place, I just drink water. I enjoy the music, the place, the rejuvenation of pure sparkling water with lemon, and clarity and peace of mind. I think ahead and ready myself to become a better person.

9:09PM June-6-2015.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Exercise Note 5

12:45AM May 31, 2015

I've been jogging for more than half an hour now including a break to stretch and some walking during which I was thinking about work, colleagues, friends, one special friend, abundance, dreams and ambitions and the future... my emotional and intellectual life.

Around 45 minutes earlier, I was at my parent’s home in Al Ain reading Fifty Shades of Grey like I was pushed to do so by my emotionally troubled but loving and cute devious girlfriend. I was interrupted by my dad who wanted me to leave early to Abu Dhabi so I wouldn't drive sleepy. I woke up late because I slept in late, so I was not going to be sleepy, but I didn’t make any remarks and when he insisted, I just left despite wanting to read more of the intriguing book that was to my surprise well written, entertaining and intellectually stimulating: not just a woman’s sexual fantasies (I read until chapter 4 so far). After reading some more of the book, I wanted to exercise a little bit to get my blood flowing: it makes me feel more alive.

I started driving off to Abu Dhabi like my dad asked. Then the dullness of not jogging for more than 2 days started to sneak into my bored head because I’m just sitting there idle at the steering wheel, just steering it. I need to get some blood flowing so I decided to park in front of Al Massa Hotel in Al Ain, near our home and just start jogging. I started to jog, and after 10 seconds or so jogged back to my, got my iPhone and headphones and resumed jogging. I jogged starting from a new point and through a new path enjoying the simplest forms of expedition.

After the jog I got into the car, I relieved my ears from my wired iPhone headphones, rolled them and put them in my backpack. I put my iPhone in the cup holder near the steering wheel where I usually put it. I sat down thinking whether I'll change my shirt now which was all wet with sweat. I notice a handful of people entering and walking around the parking lot nearer to the hotel and I think to myself that this is not really the place to get naked even for a couple of seconds to switch the shirt, but even, I'll have to dry myself a bit and wiping the sweat with the same shirt while naked would be kind of impolite and audacious.

When I sat down at the steering wheel, the thoughts started to rush to my head. I started to think about my life which has led me to start writing this article. At first I thought I'll drive a little and then start writing when some of the ideas inspired by the physical stress of exercise and the accompanying blood rush to the brain start compiling structurally. I ditched that. I decided to think about that thought itself, and the subsequent meta-thoughts of reflection is what I write here. The primary meta-thought here: why wait for thoughts to come before writing? Why not write about the thought of waiting for thoughts? I recall an inspiring article guiding people to not wait until they are creative. Just do and with enough luck of hard work, you’ll get that amazing masterpiece one day.

I need to learn to be more forward, just go for it, just be me and be brave and not ashamed of being me. I have a lot of great things about me including the fact that think way too much before I saw anything. This is why I barely ever say anything. Maybe someone sees me talking much, it's because I feel only say 10% of the ideas I have, and 50% of that are things I don’t even want to say, but the impulsiveness of youth makes me say it. That causes me to talk much, yet feel like I didn't talk at all since 10% is rather small. I’m best at writing, not talking.

I am also always in doubt and I am proud of it. I always ask myself what if I'm wrong. I always consider revising and checking whether I can do something better and I reiterate silently making people think I’m slacking or just slow. This is good intellectual hesitation that practically holds me back, unfortunately. If I'm wrong, so be it! I'll review my intellectual output, performance, and theory afterwards and make it better. This is part of my painful perfectionism that have always made me quite invisible to many interesting people and places during college. I now look back at those faulty things I have done, and think to myself wow, I was so enthusiastic and passionate about what I did but no one saw it because I was waiting for these projects to be complete. If only I did not hide in my cave of perfectionism in which I lock anything that isn't "complete." This reminds me of a recent article I read about the importance of considering things complete soon and way before they are actually decent products. The article quotes Reid Hoffman of LinkedIn who said that if one isn't ashamed of a site they build when they release it, they have released it too late. He said: “If you are not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you've launched too late” This means just go for it and improve later! Don't get locked in perfectionism like I did. Of course I tell this to myself all the time. Just be practical, implement the minimum and and improve later on. This way I’m practical, but also open minded and able to improve.

I am learning how to be really really practical and I am happy I am learning such essential startup building skills, because that's what I want to do next. Startups are composed of three essential things equally: the spirit of innovation, the brilliant technology, and the pragmatism and flexibility that goes hand in hand.

These are amazing three things to discuss.

May 31 1:06AM

Wait! I just realized that I started my 26th year jogging. This is amazing and I'm very proud. I started jogging at 12:14 and now it's  1:07AM after some writing and jogging.

Everyday will be amazing from now on!