Thursday, July 22, 2010

Trying to give love and the deception of this title

What to say, what to say?

Conflicts in recognition, appreciation and credit. Emotions, revolutionary, indeterminism, iron, efficiency, masks. Competition, jealousy, unfair, deception, control.

Compulsiveness and tears that won’t fall. Heavy, purpose, time, it’s getting easier to fall, pen, love and intelligence. Set, credit, communicate, sadness, attempt, not enough, again, jealousy, shade, fade, trying to get back.

Deception, selfishness, friendliness, sympathy then pity. Disgust, no love, sadness, forgetting then forgiving. Greed, my greed, ambition and competition.

Words, fate, world, life, work, alone, more, love, true, relative and contextual. Searching inside, strength and weakness. Neutral, implicit connection. Success, not mine, chance, mine but taken.

Idea, no credit, manager not I, try to hurt not meant, peace of mind. Reason doesn’t exist, don’t ask why. No sense required. Not for you. Not for you. You don’t want it. Not for you.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

don’t have much of these

She said “but it was unnatural”.

“Wow.” I said with the usual fluctuation I have on my tongue: “shock, is what i experience
whenever people see through me.” I continued: ”Did you ever do that before? I ask this
because when people see through me I feel that they touch me deep inside, and this is
why I thought you saw through me and have told me exactly something that I had felt
before; you touched me inside before... it wasn't about telling me what i feel but it was a smile,
some kindness and some patience and it was me learning and enjoying life, even if it were
for a few minutes, i don't have much of these so please excuse my childish excitement
whenever i see you... your face... you smile.

so one question was unasked and it reminds me of the man i always am, someone i don't
want to be, lives the moment after it's gone.

What I'm thinking about is how you might help me, as a friend, because like i just said, i
don't have many of these so please excuse my childish heart... please excuse me if i get
confused when you look away, and if i get overly-hyper if you look my way. it's just, and
honest is what i say, i don't have many of these, and not many of these either...
Now that I tell you lots of what's inside me, please don't get a wrong impression and not
see through me... don't let the language alter the feelings, which are never converted
completely to words, anyways.

Tin Cans Bag

Why do we feel bad when we see a poor kid carrying a huge bag (bigger than his size) and collecting tins from garbage? He had his body bent almost 90 degrees in order to be able to pull the bag behind him on his back. I felt like I should help him; maybe carry it down for him at least to the end of the stairs… But what I did was the typical: ignore. I ignored the kid while staring on the stairs which I’m slowing descending. Capitalism is not a bad thing, we just need lots of millionaires willing to give lots of their money to others.

I want to become a billionaire but I don’t want to live a lavish life, I want to enjoy it like ordinary people do and give most of my money to humanity.