12:45AM May 31, 2015
I've been jogging for more than half an hour now including a break to stretch and some walking during which I was thinking about work, colleagues, friends, one special friend, abundance, dreams and ambitions and the future... my emotional and intellectual life.
Around 45 minutes earlier, I was at my parent’s home in Al Ain reading Fifty Shades of Grey like I was pushed to do so by my emotionally troubled but loving and cute devious girlfriend. I was interrupted by my dad who wanted me to leave early to Abu Dhabi so I wouldn't drive sleepy. I woke up late because I slept in late, so I was not going to be sleepy, but I didn’t make any remarks and when he insisted, I just left despite wanting to read more of the intriguing book that was to my surprise well written, entertaining and intellectually stimulating: not just a woman’s sexual fantasies (I read until chapter 4 so far). After reading some more of the book, I wanted to exercise a little bit to get my blood flowing: it makes me feel more alive.
I started driving off to Abu Dhabi like my dad asked. Then the dullness of not jogging for more than 2 days started to sneak into my bored head because I’m just sitting there idle at the steering wheel, just steering it. I need to get some blood flowing so I decided to park in front of Al Massa Hotel in Al Ain, near our home and just start jogging. I started to jog, and after 10 seconds or so jogged back to my, got my iPhone and headphones and resumed jogging. I jogged starting from a new point and through a new path enjoying the simplest forms of expedition.
After the jog I got into the car, I relieved my ears from my wired iPhone headphones, rolled them and put them in my backpack. I put my iPhone in the cup holder near the steering wheel where I usually put it. I sat down thinking whether I'll change my shirt now which was all wet with sweat. I notice a handful of people entering and walking around the parking lot nearer to the hotel and I think to myself that this is not really the place to get naked even for a couple of seconds to switch the shirt, but even, I'll have to dry myself a bit and wiping the sweat with the same shirt while naked would be kind of impolite and audacious.
When I sat down at the steering wheel, the thoughts started to rush to my head. I started to think about my life which has led me to start writing this article. At first I thought I'll drive a little and then start writing when some of the ideas inspired by the physical stress of exercise and the accompanying blood rush to the brain start compiling structurally. I ditched that. I decided to think about that thought itself, and the subsequent meta-thoughts of reflection is what I write here. The primary meta-thought here: why wait for thoughts to come before writing? Why not write about the thought of waiting for thoughts? I recall an inspiring article guiding people to not wait until they are creative. Just do and with enough luck of hard work, you’ll get that amazing masterpiece one day.
I need to learn to be more forward, just go for it, just be me and be brave and not ashamed of being me. I have a lot of great things about me including the fact that think way too much before I saw anything. This is why I barely ever say anything. Maybe someone sees me talking much, it's because I feel only say 10% of the ideas I have, and 50% of that are things I don’t even want to say, but the impulsiveness of youth makes me say it. That causes me to talk much, yet feel like I didn't talk at all since 10% is rather small. I’m best at writing, not talking.
I am also always in doubt and I am proud of it. I always ask myself what if I'm wrong. I always consider revising and checking whether I can do something better and I reiterate silently making people think I’m slacking or just slow. This is good intellectual hesitation that practically holds me back, unfortunately. If I'm wrong, so be it! I'll review my intellectual output, performance, and theory afterwards and make it better. This is part of my painful perfectionism that have always made me quite invisible to many interesting people and places during college. I now look back at those faulty things I have done, and think to myself wow, I was so enthusiastic and passionate about what I did but no one saw it because I was waiting for these projects to be complete. If only I did not hide in my cave of perfectionism in which I lock anything that isn't "complete." This reminds me of a recent article I read about the importance of considering things complete soon and way before they are actually decent products. The article quotes Reid Hoffman of LinkedIn who said that if one isn't ashamed of a site they build when they release it, they have released it too late. He said: “If you are not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you've launched too late” This means just go for it and improve later! Don't get locked in perfectionism like I did. Of course I tell this to myself all the time. Just be practical, implement the minimum and and improve later on. This way I’m practical, but also open minded and able to improve.
I am learning how to be really really practical and I am happy I am learning such essential startup building skills, because that's what I want to do next. Startups are composed of three essential things equally: the spirit of innovation, the brilliant technology, and the pragmatism and flexibility that goes hand in hand.
These are amazing three things to discuss.
May 31 1:06AM
Wait! I just realized that I started my 26th year jogging. This is amazing and I'm very proud. I started jogging at 12:14 and now it's 1:07AM after some writing and jogging.
Everyday will be amazing from now on!