Dizzying Thirst

First of all, it is important to understand that thirst, especially in the hot and humid Abu Dhabi weather, can be dangerous. Remain well hydrated as it is healthy and keeps your body functioning correctly. In this post, I am reflecting on an experience of feelings and thoughts while I seek the quenching of my thirst after waking in the middle of my sleep very thirsty. I similarly blog on what I feel and think when I have a good jog, for example: Exercise Note 5.

I finally decide to park to express what I am experiencing.

Thirst is some kind of focus on a nagging need. Thirst for water is just one kind, and is similar in many ways to other desires and ambitions we might have. I have a strong desire for a richer life filled with passion, innovation, wisdom and exploration, and so I can say I have a thirst for such a better life. Thirst is a physical feeling indeed, but it is interesting to regard it in a deeper way. Thirst comes with clarity and an internal desire/goal to quench it, lessen it, and remove it by eagerly drinking a deliciously cool liquid. But I keep myself from satisfying the thirst and take advantage of this thirsty mental state and let the thoughts flow.

I think of cool sparkling water and some lemon, and even indulging in some kind of sugar-filled drink that would satisfy my thirst but also pleasure me by stimulating my brain. I’m more health aware now, and I avoid much sugar, so having it is an interesting delicious pleasure.

The focus is on quenching the thirst, but I am enjoying the clarity of having the clear goal of quenching it. I am very thirsty, but since I slept very well, I am comfortable and my thoughts are clear, at least I think they are. At least I am able to reflect and think about my current state of being, and I am trying to make the most of it. I realize that my thirsts are many, so I cannot just ignore this opportunity of reflecting on my physical thirst, and just simply quench it, without reflecting on it. I understand that one’s physical state affects their mental state, so I am postponing changing my physical state by drinking water, until I explore my current mental state.

Before responding to what I am feeling, I think about it. I understand it by describing it to myself, visualizing it, imagining it, and thinking about its constituents and they why behind it. Sometimes I go to the extent of thinking about a potential evolutionary directive behind it. This heightened awareness enables me to avoid being reactive and know myself better, before I just succumb to some instinctual primitive desire or impulse to act on the feeling such as quenching my thirst or addressing whichever discomfort I'm feeling. Of course, if I don’t understand it, I don’t let it control what I do. Thirst is pretty basic, and I do understand it, but still I was looking for more, so I searched for a place I’d feel comfortable to write and clarify my thoughts to myself primarily, and to share it here.

I left my home because I didn't have any water and the thirst was kind of dizzying. Maybe I was a little light headed from sleeping too much but I was still able to think clearly. I drove away from home to get some water, and minutes later I started to realize that there is more to what I am currently experiencing than just a desire to drink some water and go back home. There is something about sitting in the driver’s seat and driving off; and sometimes I love to combine the rush of jogging with driving, but that’s the topic of an exercise note. I drove farther than I needed. I kept driving because I wanted to reflect more on what I am experiencing. This is a mental expedition.

Thoughts started to emerge in my head, including the reflective thought of parking to write down my thoughts and the thought that dizzying thirst does not necessarily mean lack of clarity and confusion, but quite the contrary: it is unrelenting focus on a particular goal. I was in my favorite area of Muroor, Abu Dhabi, driving from Khalifa City on Salam Road. There is so much to write as to why I like that area. I can take a left and go to my favorite Starbucks Muroor in the Technip building and enjoy some cool drink there, but this pattern is something that I have done over and over that it is barely stimulating anymore. Also the thought of the possibility of finding many people there, after I park my car and get a Mawaqif ticket, made that thought of going to Starbucks less appealing. A fleeting thought of just parking on the side of the road to write before ideas start to evaporate, fleeted.

There is something about Abu Dhabi that inspires me in various ways: intellectually as it makes me want to read, learn, experience, explore, talk to people to find out what’s behind their faces and bodies, be inspired by the leaders and successful people here, and physically as it makes me want to exercise, eat healthy, be healthy, take care of myself, and hedonistically by indulging in luxury and pleasure. Will I now enjoy some delicious mocktail?

I deviated in my last paragraph, just like I do in real life. Having many desires is something that could be distracting for someone like me. I was thinking about my lack of desire to go to Starbucks while I was still at the traffic light at the intersection that goes left from Salam road to Muroor area, so I just decided to go to Anantara to which I have been only once or twice (there were no cars at the intersection so I was able to do some ninja driving to go to the right lane). I am not familiar with this place particularly, yet I am very comfortable in the lobby of a 5 star hotel. Hotels here make me feel like home as I enjoy frequently staying at random 5 star hotels. Abu Dhabi has amazing hospitality experiences indeed.

I gave my car to the valet, and feeling automatically welcome, I just enter the lobby, quickly find a sofa and a nearby socket into which I plug my thirsty laptop. I turn it on, and as quickly as possible I login using a guest account without a password, and write this on notepad as I want to get started as soon as possible that I don't even want to wait for the couple of seconds that Microsoft Word takes to load.

As I write, I occasionally glance up at the people and the amazing lobby. That woman in the patterned yellow dress certainly looks comfortable. I should not just transition to a state similar to hers without understanding myself. I am not here to satisfy my basic needs, and this is why I have to stay hungry or thirsty until I get myself together. I get myself together by reflecting deeply, even when I'm at a deep loss, in a turbulent state, or very thirsty or hungry or otherwise very uncomfortably physically or emotionally. I aim to exceed my physical innate self.

I never stayed in Anatara as a guest! This place reminds me of being totally broke, dancing classes and emotions. Certainly the lobby and this writing experience makes me want to stay here for at least a night.

I am writing with satisfaction even with the thirst. I am here thirsty and happy with mental clarity, strength, and accomplishment that makes me feel that quenching my thirst will be a rewarding experience that I surely deserve. I feel accomplished because of this writing, as it helped me transform the physical thirst to life wisdom. That makes me feel powerful. Writing is a powerful act. I am doing this to ensure that my thoughtful, ambitious, high-level goals of modern self comes before that of the basic self: survival, and quenching hunger and thirst. I am not a physical being, and since I'm not literally dying, quenching thirst and satisfying hunger come after the thoughts and ambitions of the modern successful man I am... aiming to be.

This magnificent lobby is inspiring, and the perfectly sufficient dim lighting is so comfortable. The high ceiling of the lobby with the modernized traditional oriental architectural elements, is marvelous indeed. It is a very comfortable place to be in to express thoughts comfortably. There are dates and coffee in the middle and a host in a Kandora making sure it's organized and being hospitable. I avoided eye-contact with him because I don't want him to interrupt my thoughts. Although I am sure he will be very welcoming and just offer me some coffee and dates. I think he understands that I am looking for some time alone.

[take picture of lobby from POV and put it here (I’ll do that the next time I’m in Anantara)].

I went upstairs, and like almost every time I go to a similar place, I just drink water. I enjoy the music, the place, the rejuvenation of pure sparkling water with lemon, and clarity and peace of mind. I think ahead and ready myself to become a better person.

9:09PM June-6-2015.

Exercise Note 5

12:45AM May 31, 2015

I've been jogging for more than half an hour now including a break to stretch and some walking during which I was thinking about work, colleagues, friends, one special friend, abundance, dreams and ambitions and the future... my emotional and intellectual life.

Around 45 minutes earlier, I was at my parent’s home in Al Ain reading Fifty Shades of Grey like I was pushed to do so by my emotionally troubled but loving and cute devious girlfriend. I was interrupted by my dad who wanted me to leave early to Abu Dhabi so I wouldn't drive sleepy. I woke up late because I slept in late, so I was not going to be sleepy, but I didn’t make any remarks and when he insisted, I just left despite wanting to read more of the intriguing book that was to my surprise well written, entertaining and intellectually stimulating: not just a woman’s sexual fantasies (I read until chapter 4 so far). After reading some more of the book, I wanted to exercise a little bit to get my blood flowing: it makes me feel more alive.

I started driving off to Abu Dhabi like my dad asked. Then the dullness of not jogging for more than 2 days started to sneak into my bored head because I’m just sitting there idle at the steering wheel, just steering it. I need to get some blood flowing so I decided to park in front of Al Massa Hotel in Al Ain, near our home and just start jogging. I started to jog, and after 10 seconds or so jogged back to my, got my iPhone and headphones and resumed jogging. I jogged starting from a new point and through a new path enjoying the simplest forms of expedition.

After the jog I got into the car, I relieved my ears from my wired iPhone headphones, rolled them and put them in my backpack. I put my iPhone in the cup holder near the steering wheel where I usually put it. I sat down thinking whether I'll change my shirt now which was all wet with sweat. I notice a handful of people entering and walking around the parking lot nearer to the hotel and I think to myself that this is not really the place to get naked even for a couple of seconds to switch the shirt, but even, I'll have to dry myself a bit and wiping the sweat with the same shirt while naked would be kind of impolite and audacious.

When I sat down at the steering wheel, the thoughts started to rush to my head. I started to think about my life which has led me to start writing this article. At first I thought I'll drive a little and then start writing when some of the ideas inspired by the physical stress of exercise and the accompanying blood rush to the brain start compiling structurally. I ditched that. I decided to think about that thought itself, and the subsequent meta-thoughts of reflection is what I write here. The primary meta-thought here: why wait for thoughts to come before writing? Why not write about the thought of waiting for thoughts? I recall an inspiring article guiding people to not wait until they are creative. Just do and with enough luck of hard work, you’ll get that amazing masterpiece one day.

I need to learn to be more forward, just go for it, just be me and be brave and not ashamed of being me. I have a lot of great things about me including the fact that think way too much before I saw anything. This is why I barely ever say anything. Maybe someone sees me talking much, it's because I feel only say 10% of the ideas I have, and 50% of that are things I don’t even want to say, but the impulsiveness of youth makes me say it. That causes me to talk much, yet feel like I didn't talk at all since 10% is rather small. I’m best at writing, not talking.

I am also always in doubt and I am proud of it. I always ask myself what if I'm wrong. I always consider revising and checking whether I can do something better and I reiterate silently making people think I’m slacking or just slow. This is good intellectual hesitation that practically holds me back, unfortunately. If I'm wrong, so be it! I'll review my intellectual output, performance, and theory afterwards and make it better. This is part of my painful perfectionism that have always made me quite invisible to many interesting people and places during college. I now look back at those faulty things I have done, and think to myself wow, I was so enthusiastic and passionate about what I did but no one saw it because I was waiting for these projects to be complete. If only I did not hide in my cave of perfectionism in which I lock anything that isn't "complete." This reminds me of a recent article I read about the importance of considering things complete soon and way before they are actually decent products. The article quotes Reid Hoffman of LinkedIn who said that if one isn't ashamed of a site they build when they release it, they have released it too late. He said: “If you are not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you've launched too late” This means just go for it and improve later! Don't get locked in perfectionism like I did. Of course I tell this to myself all the time. Just be practical, implement the minimum and and improve later on. This way I’m practical, but also open minded and able to improve.

I am learning how to be really really practical and I am happy I am learning such essential startup building skills, because that's what I want to do next. Startups are composed of three essential things equally: the spirit of innovation, the brilliant technology, and the pragmatism and flexibility that goes hand in hand.

These are amazing three things to discuss.

May 31 1:06AM

Wait! I just realized that I started my 26th year jogging. This is amazing and I'm very proud. I started jogging at 12:14 and now it's  1:07AM after some writing and jogging.

Everyday will be amazing from now on!

                                                                         

Exercise Note 4

I need to check one of my smart phones for the notes I took while I was jogging. This post is currently just a placeholder. Meanwhile, you can check Exercise Note 5.

3 friendly software developers

I work with other two in a dev team. We all like to curl up on our computers and do things and we only talk to each other when absolutely necessary. Sometimes the necessity seems to be social because someone is just so bored that he needs to vent or have some relief using some “unnecessary” small talk. Relief is necessary, and so this “unnecessary” small talk is actually necessary! This is what I usually think about when one of my dev colleagues tells me a story about his home country or her child.

I’m the most junior member, not only on the dev team, but the whole department. I am finding it very difficult for people to take me seriously, and I really think this is unfair because I am making real contributions to the team and the department including discovering security holes in systems lazily built in a hacky way to “save time”. I believe that those shortcuts left us already in a mess that everyone is seeing, but no change in behavior was realized for some reason worth or studying but that is beyond the topic I want to discuss here.

Talking is not an easy task, especially when you want to do it right. A drunken person can talk. A president might deliver a speech to the UN about a vital global issue. Both of them are talking. I can talk, and so can Larry King. But in the details that characterizes “talking” there is so much that takes place and causes various kinds of effects including emotional and rational. And to cause the right effects, talking must be tailored carefully and that requires a lot of mental effort.

I am not fan of talking for socialization’s sake. But when it comes to communication, even superfluous, I do talk in a manner that people think I am lecturing them, that I’m a show off, or just too chatty. In reality, what I carefully look forward to is delivering an internal mental representation of what I have in my head in as much detail as possible, to achieve clarity, and to obtain other people’s opinion who will be more able to express their opinions now that they have a clear picture.

I support superfluous communication because of two reasons: first, you never really know how others may be able to use information that you think is superfluous (nor can they!), second, things might change in the future, and the third is that our magnificent human mind allows information to interact with other information in unexpected wonderful ways: the creative process is surely not linear and sometimes a lack of focus helps spark ideas, gives way to explore and discover, and see random useful connections that were just out of view. Sometimes when you expose yourself to unexpected things, you are able unexpectedly discover other things. It’s like going on an expedition, but only mentally and intellectually.

On another note, I always find verbal communication to be challenging, and I think people find it challenging to focus on what I’m actually saying and not be distracted by the way I am saying things.

I often find myself in a position wherein someone asks me a question in a light social context that requires a deep thoughtful answer. The question can be really simple, and the questioner is most likely insincere about obtaining a real answer and is relying on a typical social pattern of non-seriousness. But to properly address the question, a sophisticated answer is required, and such an answer is not suitable for the current social context. For example, sometimes people as me how am I doing. This is not a simple question. This question requires reflection at several existential levels and timeframes of consideration. Sometimes I say I’m not sure, prompting light-hearted laughter from others around me, which relieves me, and sometimes I just panic, causing embarrassment for myself and others around me. I also often surprise people with answers that escalates quickly from nice weather to extensive genetic diversity or why I don’t like probabilistic primality tests. That’s not to mention the technical ideas that I relate to what goes on in my social discussions: see Soy Sauce Conversations for a simple example.

There are several ways a conversation can evolve. Changing a conversation’s topic from ‘the weather’ to ‘extensive genetic diversity’ is an example of the evolution of the topic. I’ll call that “topical evolution”. Topical evolution simply means a change of topic, gradual or sudden, comfortably by an appropriate stimulant or related topic painfully through the interruption of an eager loud person. Of course a change of topic carries with it a change of emotions and thinking. That’s another kind of conversational evolution that I experience a lot even without topical evolution: it’s more internal to the mind and so I will call it conversational cognitive evolution. The Cognitive and topical conversational evolution types could happen together, but they are logically independent and can happen separately.

To illustrate conversational cognitive evolution consider the ways of thinking. A light-weight conversation about how bad the traffic is in the morning, might be just that, but behind what is being said, there is so much thinking about how one can model traffic changes mathematically. Of course you avoid telling your girlfriend this, because she’ll complain that you’re such a turn-off like mine usually does with me whenever I really tell her what’s on my mind.

Yesterday she made a remark about my car’s side mirror, but instead called it a window. She joked about how sometimes she calls a mirror a window for some reason. This provoked several thoughts in my mind such as how the brain is flexible enough to allow multiple modes of linguistic processing: a mirror is some form of a window indeed. Our minds are marvelous and we can see a lot of that through our mistakes. A robot would never make such a brilliant mistake, but then a stupid robot with an artificial neural network trained using an “extended text corpus” is just that. My girlfriend might be embarrassed and feel a little stupid, but she has no idea how smart I think she is, until she reads this article (the fact that I am obsessed with her body does not contradict anything here).

The obvious part of the conversation was apparently about a linguistic mistake, and about how being hungry makes you silly (or is it really some form of stress induced brilliance?), but behind the talking was a lot of heavy-weight thinking. Maybe she was thinking about a brilliant business scheme, or how to manipulate me like a chess piece to maximize her pleasure intake.

Well my girlfriend is not really part of our dev team but her influence on me indirectly influences the team. Just like my father, who is also not a software developer or even very tech savvy for that matter, but because he has always insisted that I “develop” a social life, and that I become more social, and that I need to deal with people, and that I need to learn how to effectively deal with people, and that I need to go out, and that I need to stop spending so much time on my computer and that I need to talk more and that I need to be charming, and that I need to always smile and be social and that I… I went crazy. But the traumatic stress is very interesting.

I think my dad learnt the necessity of being socially intelligent the hard way. I am also. Interaction with a system composed of emotional, intricate, barely stable human subsystems is not easy, especially when you are of a similar kind of subsystem. I think no matter how cold and rational one person is, they naturally have that emotional component, even if they are able to control it. I think those who are really unaware of the nuances of social interaction and the emotional part of it, are really lucky as they spare themselves a lot of distraction. This is why I often find myself wishing to be just as emotionally unintelligent as possible, so I can focus on the objectives, the technology, the software, the ambitions of a totally different reality, without even being aware of social or emotional aspects, let alone worrying about them. Just the opposite of what my dad wants me to be: emotionally intelligent and a social leader.

I think my dad has a very strong point in wanting me to be socially smart, because it would make my life a lot easier and would enable me to take leadership roles and as such progress in my career. Of course this is also beyond career success because leading in my personal life would require me to understand people, how to deal with them, how to love them and allow them to love you. Then why don’t I want it?

I think that just being aware of social things is a waste of brain/mind power (wait, I need to be very careful to not step into the infinite space of narrow mindedness! But how can I explain intricately everything I think without taking forever to finish this article?). The mind is a processor and consciously or not, exposure to social elements makes my brain, as an automatic information processor, process and evolve to accommodate the ideas and thoughts (the whole ontology) creating an underlying mental representation to be able to process these ideas and thoughts. I am not really passionate about social intelligence, I am more excited by number theory and algorithms.

To expand more on my desire to lock myself in a library for a couple of years and delve in a world of wonder and science, intellect and mathematics,  I always find myself with a clearer and more rested mental state whenever I have time for myself (please someone explain this to that eager girlfriend of mine). This is why I am sure I am an introvert, but many times I act (only act) as an extrovert because I am curious and passionate as I elaborate in the following two paragraphs before I go back to my development team:

Curiosity makes me want to explore people: their behavior and what information they hold. People are very powerful information systems if they actually allow themselves to receive and learn, and communicate and exchange information with others thoughtfully. The way people behave socially is very interesting, unexpected, chaotic, biologically intelligent, very unlike the artificially intelligent systems -to what extent can we call it artificial anyways? I feel like I need paragraphs of interjections every other word I write here- computer scientists are building with the former being a reference point for the latter.

I also am passionate about achievement. And hence I am interested in motivating my team to talk more, or rather, to communicate useful information more. Communication can make my team much more efficient and effective in their software development process both strategically and technically. From deciding to create a solution and the why behind it, to the technical details of how. I found them doing things without me knowing (they do not report to me as I am just a team member at the same level) and then found out that they could have done things in a much better way. If only we took 10 minutes to talk about it!

This 10 minute is a professional investment. I don’t want to chat about the weather for 10 minutes. And if this 10 minutes investment is going to save us hours or even weeks of hard work later, then why not?! The resistance comes from the fact that talking is not easy as I mentioned above, because thoughtful conversations requires you to think, analyze and imagine. And then after all that, you have to convert all of your thoughts, analysis and imagination to that linguistic representation called natural language, or English, which, to make things harder, isn’t the native language of anyone on the team. The inadequacy of natural language to represent thought, or our inadequacy to use it to do the same, is compounded by the differences in native languages.

The three of us want our lives to be easier, we all want to be more efficient and effective because of the internal reward and external recognition, and we want to be better and spend our precious time doing precious things. Then why aren’t we talking?

Because of my failure.

I think things, I am writing them down now, I have communicated them before to the team by emailing and telling and yelling, yet what I want is not there. What does that mean other than I failed?

My acknowledgement of failure is not an emotional downturn, but rather a strategic move that entices me to ask myself: what can I do differently, since I failed all these times, to obtain the result that I need? How can I allow my colleagues to be more encouraged to make a change even when I have no authority over them?

Beauty and sadness

Beauty, with all the inspiration she brings, leaves my grey matter alone to its greyness, until the notion of color is so diminished and love is completely out of the picture.

I am the liar who hates lies. I am the punished child running away in tears of a heart I have broken: my own. I am the creator of beauty or the artist who paints a picture of words, then thoughts, then realizes that it was not a painting, it was reality, or at least my personalized version of which.

I get confused also, and paint confusion with words on a piece of paper and send it to you so you'd know not what is inside, I have no reason to want you to get to know the freaking confusion, but rather to know me, the creator of confusion, and to know what I think of you and what you do, the cause of my confusion.

Alas, there is unavoidable sadness, but coverable. Just like the lies covered with my blinded eyes, for my mind insisted to see only beauty.

The Toothless Cherry, the White Flowers, and the Angry Goose

Every morning, the little kids wake up and race to the grove of white flowers to pick them up and sell them for money. They were only allowed to pick the blooming flowers. They competed to collect the most flowers to sell them in straps of 10. Little Cherry, with a smile lacking front teeth, always wins because she's organized and doesn't get distracted by the other noisy kids who tried to trick her into searching for blooming flowers where there isn't any.

The kids to wake up the earliest so they would get the blooming flowers of that day first. But they often wake up at the same time because they stayed in the same room and a chicken from the neighborhood called chickchick would come to wake them up every day for their morning endeavor or race or on that particular day for Cherry, an adventure.

Little Cherry used to have a strategy. She was organized since she was young and that still shows in her now as an adult. She says she was an ugly duckling and now her beauty is crusted with elegant confidence. The toothless cherry, wearing red that beautiful morning, would go around the flower field line by line to collect the flowers, while the other kids randomly traversed around. She would pick the most flowers because she didn't waste time going around and she most efficiently collected the most flowers. Being organized and systematic was her strategy and that still works well for her.

One day she was amazed when she found a big white flower. It was the biggest flower she ever found and it was different in the way it bloomed. This flower seemed very unique to her and had extra shine of whiteness and extra bloom and contrasted beautifully with the red shirt she was wearing. Exhilarated, she strapped this precious flower and started to celebrate her happiness. She started running around and yelling and screaming in happiness for the kids about her beautiful blooming big white flower.

Then there was the quacking. The unfriendly buzzes of an unfriendly goose startled the little tiny toothless Cherry who got scared. Out of nowhere, a quacking goose started chasing Cherry who was screaming in happiness just moments ago only to start running and scream in fear of the duck moments after.

She went around a block of flowers when unfortunately her uncle who was there watching the kids race around, grabbed the goose and saved the little Cherry. Cherry was happy she is finally safe and was glad she strapped her big flower so it wasn't harmed.

A morning of love, peace, beauty, innocence and nostalgia.

First adventure in the Sea of Sand!

I just turned on the air conditioning and instead of having cool air chill me out after today’s sandy adventure was, well, sand blowing into my face and eyes. My hands are still dirty and hurting from pulling wires and changing tires.

That’s all because I chose today to do something different and actually start exploring the world around me. I learnt a lesson: do it again! Although it was messy and painful, I learnt a few things about Al Ain's desert and my car and I met a nice man and his playful children in the process.
The desert is beautiful and it was around 3PM and I thought of wisdom and inspiration. I was working on one of my applications as usual and things were going smoothly and I was learning some new things as well about how… oops, I almost fell again in my habit of geeky talk! I thought of the desert and how people learn things from it. I think they learn from it because it is vast and open and its waves of dunes make it look like a sea of sand. It is inspiring, and people learn because they are inspired by the desert.

I was drinking coffee an working on one of my apps.

I wanted to experience the desert. So I just drove with just a slight idea where I’m going. I thought I’ll drive and even if I’m lost I’ll reach somewhere where I can experience something different than my computer screen. I had music on and was enjoying my ride on the beginning of Al Ain – Abu Dhabi road near Al Bateen. The air was so fresh you enjoy it with every breeze and whenever you breathe.

I reached the area where I thought I can enter the dunes. I saw some around-abouts and some tracks running from under a bridge I was just about to go over. I decided to go left at the next circle and try to follow the tracks. I reached under the bridge after going down steeply at an edge of a valley that went under the bridge. I realized that I just started a new chapter of my life, a chapter wherein I am not just an employee in an office typing things on his computer all day but an adventurer with the actual readiness to undertake an adventure.

After the steep slope into a valley, I got under the bridge headed to the desert.

Not that I’m not a daring adventurer, I am by heart and one can see it in my driving stunts and generally in my personality and the way I talk and behave. The fact that I like the serenity and peace of being alone doesn't mean I am a dull person. I think I am just letting out the adventurer inside me by actually doing an activity that for some reason didn't undertake until today despite having talked about it before to many others. I even asked some people to join me once I get my car. I have been driving for 3 months now and we didn't go out together.

I don’t have friends in Al Ain so I went alone this time and I thought this is a perfect opportunity as I can peacefully contemplate by myself, and in case something goes wrong no one would be annoyed or complaining. It is very easy for me to be patient and accept exceptional situations, even the dangerous ones, without much panic and frustration unlike some of my friends to whom dirt on a desk is comparable to the end of the world.

Rocky area as soon as I got out from under the bridge.

Once I drove from under the bridge and through to the dunes, I started driving on the harder parts of the sand, especially the rocky areas. I thought even if I am able to switch on the 4WD mode in my small X-Trail, is it still small and I should avoid getting stuck. I drove briefly on sandier areas and enjoyed how the car drifts left and right because the sand is so… slippery!

I was driving at constant speed, trying not to slow much and going around the steeper dunes until I am able to find a moderate path deeper towards the desert. I was looking forward to being able to take some beautiful pictures and breathe some cool desert air while I watch the sunset fall unto the golden sea of sand. I was looking for contemplation, wisdom and inspiration. What I got instead was a sandy lesson and a valuable experience that I am grateful for: at least I learned something and enjoyed the thrill.

The beautiful desert where I was looking for inspiration. The sea of sand!

As I was driving, I was drifting over the soft sand which was shooting from the sides of the car near the wheels, because they spin faster than the car moves and drag sand with them. I thought since I had the 4WD switch turned on that I am safe.

Powered with my 4WD switch, I thought I can easily enjoy the beauty of the desert.

The thrilling part starts when I decided not to keep looking for a gentle path between the dunes and just go up a rather small rise in the sand. I thought I can just go over and start maneuvering deeper into the desert. I went ahead with this move and I got stuck.

I enjoyed observing the splashing sand over the wind shield. I didn't forget to close the side windows for too long as the sand shooting all over was a good reminder. I tried to charge forward and then backwards and realized that I need to get down the car and see how it is positioned. I found out that it is pretty stuck but that’s fine, I will just dig up some sand from under the wheels and continue reversing down the tiny hill that I succeed to go up only half way. I noticed other kids playing on a moon buggy and I thought that that was cool. There was also a big SUV in the distance.

The sand was shooting all over, including the wind shield. I had a little desert on top of my car.

I dug through silky golden sand. Actually it was a bit yellowish and reddish, with some hint of orange color. It was so soft that I recalled when I told one of my friends about fluidity of sand but remarked how that application of the term is not correct as sand is not a liquid. I was scooping sand with my arms and it really felt like a fluid. It was so easy to dig but it was also easy for the sand to get back where it was! The sand was also cool and seemed very clean. I remembered “Tayamom” which is an Arabic and Islamic hygiene technique that you use whenever you are unable to access water: just use sand or dust!

After I thought I had enough sand from under the wheels, I still noted that underneath the wheels is still a lot more sand: it’s like I’m in a lake of sand that no matter how much sand I get from underneath the wheels, there will still be lots of sand remaining. At least what I did for now is remove the sand so that the wheels aren't sitting in little holes each. I don’t have any choice but keep on trying to get my car out.

I started to reverse again, and lacking much desert (or driving) wisdom I dug four other holes again, but this time I tilted the car around 30 degrees at the slope I was stuck in. I felt nervous for a second but then calmed down as I realized that if I flip over at this standing speed, I will not really get hurt and the car won’t get damaged. My second idea was to take off a big cover from the back trunk and use it as a prop to allow the wheels to spin on it instead of just shuffling sand around.

Speaking of spinning wheels, I also discovered that there are “kinds” of 4WDs. I thought that since my car has a 4WD switch, I am as “much” 4WD as a Land Cruiser or a Patrol but with thinner wheels and lighter weight. The lighter weight is an advantage indeed, but the fully blown (30-40 PSIs) thin wheels are more like digging drills than they are a movement mechanism.

I have still much to learn about how my car works and about the different four-wheel drive systems. I was surprised, really surprised, at one point when I noticed that even though my 4WD was on, only two wheels were spinning while I was pressing on the gas. The wheel that was stuck deep in the sand didn’t move, while the one on the opposite side which was almost in the air (because my car was so tilted), spun freely just to blow sand around. The same issue with the two back wheels, only one of them spun. I’m still not sure how it works, but I guess I had some kind of combined back-wheel and front-wheel drive capability, but not a real 4 wheel drive capability.

I got the rear trunk cover that covers the spare wheel out and put it aside and started digging again. The two kids with the moon-buggy passed me, stopped briefly in a friendly exchange of eye contact, and then moved along as I continued to dig. After a minute or so, the large SUV from the distance approached and a guy inside of it saluted. I was wishing that they would not come to help me, as I am shy. But I accepted their eager help which they offered kindly and enthusiastically. I soon felt that they considered it their problem as much as mine. What an admirable kind of behavior.

Our first attempt was to push the car down. We pushed while Rashed, the man in the car, pressed on the gas while it’s on reverse, but it moved only a little bit and splashed his eldest son with sand all over. I felt guilty so I asked him to switch positions with me as he was nearer to the wheel where the sand was splashing. We tried a little again, this time Rashed not pressing so much on the gas.

He seemed to be completely committed to getting my car out, and he almost took over the process: I guess he assumed my helplessness, but for me I am never in that situation even if I have no clue what I am doing because I would have just kept on trying forever. I would have ended up with building a path of rocks until the harder areas where the car could move without digging itself into the sand. It would take forever, but it is the only way that I could do by myself without asking for help. He also had much experience with these kind of situations as he expressed when I asked him if he ever been in such a situation.

I told him it is my first time here and we both expressed our admiration of the desert’s beauty and love for adventure. I went back to the car and put the car gear on Park to hear a hard creaking sound: the wheel was moving fast. The wheel’s movement was covered by the fact that the car was still. I was embarrassed by such mistake and explained that I have been driving for only 3 months now and sometimes I make stupid mistakes like these. We talked a little about his strategy in teaching his kids how to deal with problems. He told me that they are stuck right now with their moon buggy, pointing at them in the short distance, but he leaves them to deal with it. I approved and said that that teaches them to depend on themselves and to become problem solvers. He agreed and added that it also teaches them to not keep doing it again.

Rashed explained to me several things about how easy it is for a car like mine to get stuck and was not really convinced that I had any kind of 4WD capabilities. I showed him my magical 4WD switch that he didn’t know much about but as a Land Cruiser owner he had the right to be like: “meh.” He said that even it had 4WD drive, it doesn’t work in a cross way in which two tires from the front and back in opposite directions can drive at the same time, which is what we kind of needed at the time. An X-Trail with a 4WD switch is still no match for a Land Cruiser. He sent the eldest of his kids to the nearby gas station to get something. I continued to dig and then tried yet again to get the car out. He told me that it’s pointless at this stage and he was astonished that a 2WD car like mine made it this far.

He was sitting and waiting while the kids were driving off. I didn’t think he had any kind of obligation to help me out and I think he thought I can’t do much to help myself, but since he asked me not to bother trying to get the car out while he was just waiting while the kids where driving off to the gas station, I assumed that he sent them to get something. When I asked, he told me he will try to pull the car out so they were getting a rope. We spent a minute looking for a connection point in my car and then hooked both our cars together. His son started to pull forward and then reverse to do it again while I gently press on reverse with every shock. He was giving instructions to his son that I wasn’t able to hear. He seemed aware that this is a learning experience for his children but he was obviously driven by the traditional values of humility, generosity and reaching out. The car finally got out after a few pulls.

It was all over. Now I can just leave the desert just like I entered, after all I got stuck when I tried to climb up a slope. He told me he’s going to stay and check if I am actually able to make it out so he got in his car and I in mine and we drove off.

After a hundred meters or so, the car got shakier and so did the sand underneath it. It was bumpy but there was no room to slow down because if I stop, but might get stuck. But still, I had to stop because I was not moving much anymore but just digging holes for my wheels. I stopped after the lesson that the more I dig myself in, the more I will have to do to dig myself out. They stopped as well and he asked why I stopped? I told him I got stuck again. I noted that the ABS light was on, although I was not sure what that did, I didn’t like it because it might have been interfering negatively with my movement. Rashed said it is normal since my wheels are spinning without control.

It was easier this time, as I was stuck just a little. We hooked the cars again and started to pull. We kept the cars hooked this time while his son drove off. I felt how easier being pulled makes it to move. Rashed and I were in my car and I was steering the car following his son. We were headed towards the main road, on a path different than the one I used to enter but I thought it was a good idea to trust Rashed and his kid as they were much more familiar than a newcomer like me.

When we got nearer to the gas station a sudden screeching sound started and the car’s movement became very heavy and we quickly came to a halt. I thought something broke down in my car that isn’t well equipped to handle off-road situations but when we got down we realized that we got stuck in the metal wires of a broken fence that were laying on the ground. The Land Cruiser was able to cross but the X-Trail wasn’t. What a disappointing X-Trail. Rashed also noted that the left front tire had a huge tear, and it was flat.

I got stuck in wires and had to borrow pliers from a nearby tire repair shop.

We needed to loosen up the tough wires that clung tightly to the base of the wheel, and so we reversed up a bit and tried a bit to pull the wires out. We needed a cutting tool so I grabbed some money and I ran to the gas station to get something to cut with. I couldn’t find anything useful in the Adnoc Oasis shop but I found pliers in the FastFit tires repair shop. The mechanic there was a bit unsure whether he should give me the pliers because he was afraid that I’m not going to return it back. I understood his fear because it’s so easy to just steal a plier that you say you want to borrow and he had to be careful because he doesn’t own the shop. When I told him that I can give him money as assurance in case I don’t return the pliers and so he agreed to give them to me but refused to take money. I think my offer made him trust me.

I came back down to Rashed and the kids and this time the car was stuck with the wires at the front wheels still, but at the other side of the wheels’ base where it connects with the rest of the car. He told me that they got stuck from the other side of the wires when they tried to reverse. I felt guilty for all the time he spent helping me, and I thought I can just try to call a services company that can get me out of here so that I would not take much of this kind man’s time, but I hesitated to actually do this because I didn’t want to make him feel like I am not appreciating his efforts to help. I ended up making this suggestion a little later, but he said that there won’t be any in this area. We started to cut the wires and it was a very hard job since the pliers were very weak against these strong fence wires that wrapped well around both front wheels. The plier itself started to break near its sharp cutting area.

He started to release some air pressure from his car’s wheels and asked me to do the same for my car handing me a small stick that I can use to press on the wheel’s nozzle this was to make the car less likely to get stuck again in the soft sand. He was wondering if we could find a better cutting tool. I went back the tires shop and the mechanic there seemed to be excited for my return, I asked him if there was a stronger cutting tool but we didn’t find anything. I found another plier at the oil change shop so I took that (the mechanic at the oil change shop didn’t hesitate to give me the pliers without questions).

We started cutting and we managed to cut 3 or so wires but there were still many more and there were those rusty barbed wires that were much harder than the other seamed wires. Rashed asked me to hurry up and try to reach that recovery truck that has parked at the side of the main road. I started running towards it and then I heard Rashed whistling and calling so I stopped to see what he wanted, that was stupid of me as he was signaling the truck driver who was about to get back on the road. He told me to keep going so I did but the truck started to move before I was able to reach it.

I was disappointed and so was Rashed. I felt stupid. We were hoping that the recovery truck could offer some kind of help, maybe they had a better cutting tool or anything that we can make use of. At that point I thought I’ll just call my father and brother who live nearby and see if they could help me find a recovery services company. My brother had this usual you-are-a-screw-up kind of attitude, but my request was simple: I didn’t’ want their help or anything; I just wanted a number if they could send me anything. If I’m afraid to get stuck in the sand, I’ll never really do anything fun in my life, so to speak. But I didn’t need anything as Rashed was so persistent and committed to getting me out. Rashed said he also tried to call someone but could not find a services company that can get on the sand to get us out. They don’t go off-road.

We thought for a moment and realized that our primary problem was the wires so we need to get them cut. I suggested running to a nearby Spinneys to look for something but he and his son agreed that Spinneys would not have cutting tools and that we will need to go to Al Sinaiyaa (the industrial area). Rashed said that’s the best course of action and decided to leave the kids with me and go find a cutting tool.

He told his younger son that he was going to go, and the little kid started to complain about ice-cream or something like that. Rashed got him something and start to move. He forgot that our cars were still connected so he started to drag as he tried to continue moving. I quickly called out to him and told him to wait for me to detach the hook from his car.

I was left with the kids. I thought it was amazing that Rashed left me with the kids and it could mean more than one thing. It could me that he trusts me with his kids, or more likely that he trusts his kids to act responsibly. Anyways the eldest brother who was playful but still responsible was there. Another meaning is that he left them with me as an act of courtesy as he didn’t want me to be alone: another sign of high tradition and values that I admired.

I told the kids that I am sorry for taking much of their time. They were on vacation and come here every once in a while. The eldest kid who was in the 8th grade was happy to give me some advice about my car and adventures. He mentioned Wadi Adventure and that I should get a moon buggy if not a bigger car. He was happy to mention that they got a moon buggy from the USA. I thought that that was a good idea since my car is not a good option for this kind of adventures. I lightheartedly admitted that I need a better suited car for this and the next time I come it would not be using this car.

The kids started to play around. The moon buggy seemed to be a lot of fun and the sun soon started to set and soon it was dark and still no sign of Rashed. When the eldest got his turn to drive the moon buggy, he started to chase the kids around pretending to want to run them over. They seemed to be having a lot of fun and I was glad of that.

The moon buggy playing around and chatting with the kids.

I was chatting with the kids and when I expressed that I appreciate their help, one of the kids told me that he went back to his father to tell him about my issue when he saw me stuck while he was driving his moon buggy. So I told him that they were my rescuers and I am very grateful for their help. I was glad to see a satisfied shy smile on his face. It seems their father is doing a good job teaching them high values.

At one point the eldest drove away up a little hill and pointed the moon buggy in our direction and started signaling with the headlights in a distance. The younger kids and I watched for a moment and then I started to worry as maybe he was signaling that he needed us. I decided to inhibit my worry and not act like an overly worried mother. The kids decided to sneak up near him so they lowered their heads and ran towards him. After a little bit I heard them joyfully screaming and running away from the moon buggy that was chasing them once again. I thought that that was very funny and playful.

My parents soon arrived and we started to think about how to get the car out, my Dad gave me a few pieces of advice especially about the flat tire and the fact that I don’t even have a spare as I blew that one before and didn't even replace it (yet).

Rashed soon arrived with a huge cutting tool that made it look so easy to cut the tough wires. I was amused and so happy how powerfully it worked. We started cutting here and there and trying to track where the wires went and how we need to cut them to free the car up. After making sure that the car was free, we hooked the cars again and with the Land Cruiser’s help I was able to get to the road. While he was pulling me, I was so excited I tried to take a photo but had to unlock my phone so unfortunately I couldn't take a picture in time.

I was very excited that we finally got the car out. I felt I wanted to hug the guy! Rashed asked me if I heard something unusual and I told him nothing except the rubbing of the flat tire. He asked me about any strange motor sound and I said no. It was mission accomplished. I expressed my deepest gratitude to him and told him that he indeed rescued me from a hard situation. I am very thankful for this kindness and lucky to have run into someone who would not give up and was committed to really help me. I learnt afterwards that his behavior was consistent with his position at his work as a leader, but I will keep that out to remain respectful of his privacy.

I think he is like me in the sense that he is stubborn and does not give up and once he starts something he insists to stay on it until it completes and once the mission is accomplished, he moves on. And that’s what he did. After I thanked him and he made sure I was OK, he was quickly in his car on his way to get the kids and go home. My dad thanked him and offered any help in case he needs and I did the same saying that he has my number in case he needs anything. He had a welcoming smile and was very respectful to our appreciation. And off he went.

Luckily, my dad’s car is the same as mine and I was able to borrow his spare tire. His Bridgestone tire was brand new and made a loud squeaking sound at the slightest turn. Admittedly, I enjoyed that. I went straight to the FastFit shop near my dad’s house where I was spending the night and got a new tire fixed for me.

My tire was torn badly by the wires! It was an old 2008 spare tire, the mechanic at the tire repair shop remarked.

Lessons learned:

1. Wider wheels are better when driving on soft sand.
2. Softer wheels are more suitable on soft sand as they are less likely to start digging holes.
3. There is more than one kind of four wheel drive.
4. Desert sand is beautiful and so soft that it can be compared to a liquid.
5. X-Trails are not really the best off-road vehicle even with the 4WD switch turned on.
6. Going out and trying something new will cause you to have an enjoyable learning experience.
7. Holding the camera button on the Nokia Lumia Windows Phone causes the camera application to turn on even if the phone is locked. Good to know for quick clicks.
8. The tires has a date label on them that indicate how old they are.